The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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How Economics Work

NORMAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTANI ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
British for Warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
French for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs
and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows &
naturally that nation
will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month
and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market
them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of
vodka.


CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high productivity.

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Self-Appraisal

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn.

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida.Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.

The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

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Hats off To Technology (1,474 megapixel Camera)

This is a photo from the 2009 Obama Inauguration, In which you can see IN FOCUS The face of each individual in the crowd!!!

You can scan, double click and zoom to any section of the crowd. . .

Wait a few seconds. . . Don't forget wait for few seconds And the focus adjusts. The picture was taken with a robotic camera at 1,474 megapixel. (295 Times the standard 5 megapixel camera)

Click the below link

http://gigapan.org/viewGigapanFullscreen.php?auth=033ef14483ee899496648c2b4b06233c

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Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing it in 2009 also. Because of your kindness: * I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. * I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. * I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer... * I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. * I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo. * I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine. * When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. * I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...) * Still open to help somebody from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy. * Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else) IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will P on your head today at 6:30pm. Nothing has happened till now.....................but who knows. So please forward.

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Foot Vs Brain

Interesting...

Try This.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT ?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!

It is from an orthopaedic surgeon..... This will confuse your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it!

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Railroad tracks....a history lesson!!!

INTERESTING HISTORY LESSON
Railroad Tracks.

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England , and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.)

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site... The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important?
Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else.

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