"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.
• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever!
Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.