Humor One Liners


One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people everyday. 

I'm not 50--I'm 18 with 32 years' experience. 

A teacher to his student during examination, "Look up for inspiration, look down for concentration but DON'T LOOK FROM SIDE TO SIDE FOR INFORMATION" 

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  

Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement. 

A doctor is a person who cures your ills by pills and kills you by his bills 

You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what's eating you.
 
You can take the day off... but you can't put it back. 

Only the mediocre are always at their best. 

A woman who doesn't gossip doesn't have any friends to talk about. 

The secret of immortality dies with me.

Some personal jibes...

I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter. 

It might look like I am doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I am really quite busy. 

I like you. You remind me of when I was young, and not so mature. 

If you think you have influence, try telling someone else's dog to sit. 

Treat each day as your last. One day, you will be right. 

It is discovered that school is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."
We can’t change the weather. But we can choose whether…

We LIVE or die; LAUGH or cry; quit or TRY; Walk or FLY. ~ Ian Faria.
Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how well you play
 Smoking helps you lose weight; one lung at a time 
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...so stay away 
Husband and wife are like the body and mind - they are always together but never agree with each other  
Where there's a will there are relatives  

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