Saturday, September 3, 2011

Bachelors Degree in Corruption


National Corruption Institute Of India ( N C I I )
Affiliated To Both Houses Of Indian Parliament
Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World's Best C-School
Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption. (BDC)
Earn your BDC from the World's Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies
OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:
Financial Theory and Practice
  • Transfer of funds through HAWAALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA
  • FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.
  • Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.
  • Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and methods like Chai Pani, Parcel, Change, Gift Box , Color TV, Foreign Trip and the ever popular Children's School Fees
Public Relations (PR) and Media Management
  • Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.
  • Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.
  • Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.
  • Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.
  • Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”
  • Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.
Law and Order Module:
In this module you will learn how to:
Commit MURDER and RAPE
Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control
Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.
 Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!
FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!
Advanced Riotology
 Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.
 Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS
Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of DESI DARU to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!
Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.
 Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.
Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.
Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of
World class Professors.
Special Courses In:
  • "2G SPECTRUM" “ A Telecommunications Perspective" By Professor Andimuthu Raja
  • ''Flat Taking From Army Jawan'' By Professor Ashok Chavan
  • ''The Correct Standard of Clean'' By Professor Lalit Bhanot
  • ''Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal'' By Professor Suresh Kalmadi
  • "Application of Corruption on Non Human Species “ Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder" By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav
  • "Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money Than Building The Taj Mahal Itself" By Professor Mayawati Kumari.
...And Many Many More..!!
SO FORGET ALL B-SCHOOLS, BE COOL, JOIN
THE C-SCHOOL...
NCII IS THE BEST.

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