Friday, September 16, 2011

You are a Desi, if.... ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free. know more than one plans offered by long distance companies. take plain water instead of Coke for lunch. (may also be a health nut) take any drink with no ice because you can't drink ice. ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?". try to ignore all other unknown desi's around you. tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them to an Amway meeting know all the facilities available at public library. talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
10....stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil. frequent to yard sales every week. find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer.
13....your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor. take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room.
15....if you like onion rings at Burger King. are looking for dual voltage appliances.
17....the phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation at least once a day. bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value.
19.....the number of long distance calls is more than domestic calls. keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free. go back to your apartment for lunch.
22.....your full name contains more than 15 characters. know all the $1.50 theaters in your city.
24.....the only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there is free food. have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel. don't know any American outside your work. tried to flirt with the Hindi speaking operator at AT&T. have at least one Indian made pressure cooker in your kitchen. know how much a 7 layer burrito costs at Taco Bell. run to Laundromat in your lungi.
31.....put oil in your hair. have a picture of Indian deity on the dashboard of your car.
33.....if this thought comes to you "Oh shit I just saw another desi" when you are window shopping at the mall.
34.....if you keep comparing prices at Circuit City for the phone you bought six months ago.
35.....the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial. are compelled to visit every major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there " are comfortable with an American than an ABCD. have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa. pay your bills the day they come in mail.
40.....spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from landlord.
41.....have a bucket in your bath tub. have to borrow luggage from friends for India visit.
43.....the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking dinner. know which grocery store keeps coriander. buy butter milk before you run out of it. use grocery bags as garbage bags. say 'Damn I have already seen this show" when ever you are watching Married With Children. buy rice in the 20 pound bags. supplies mysteriously find their way in your house. don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer. have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine.
52.....your idea of fun involves bowling. starts spelling your name to the operator like A as in Apple, B as in boy , T as in train ...well you get the idea. ask another desi if he /she ever got a traffic ticket. haven't had a single female in your apartment besides your friends wife. bring over the counter medicines like Iodex and Vicks from India.
57.....decide to marry a girl, your parents fixed without even meeting her. know the current differential in gold prices between India and US. go to a temple to look at girls. have worked illegally in a Guju's motel. mark your forehead with sacred ash. have bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it after the trip.
63.....wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts. have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom. have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home. use the credit card with maximum cash back. have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip. are saving more that 30 % of your salary. talk about the sexual escapades of your friend. have never asked a girl out. (you might just be plain ugly too)'ve bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser. know your friends salaries! smell likes a curry. have asked a PhD student for a ride to grocery store.
75....there are more than 4 guys living in a 2 bedroom apartment. have a cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet. spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart. split even the tax out of your common grocery bill. complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation to India. take 4 week long vacation

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