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Zardari Jokes

1. Long lines
 A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
 Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
No, that line is longer than this one, he replies.


2. Robber meets Zardari
 Robber: Give me all your money!
 Zardari: Do you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.
 Robber: OK. Give me all my money.



3. TV anchor announcing:

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.


4. Postmaster General announcing

To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.

5. Announcement In Zardari official airplane
 Mr. President , We are about to land. could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you.


6. Pakistani meets American
 Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
 American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials
 Pakistani: Thats nothing. We give them the presidency.


7. Genie meets Pakistani
 Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?
 Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.


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Indian Political Cartoons









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Your Sleeping Style Determines Your Personality









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11 rules by bill gates



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Wife's Jokes.......Have A Good Laugh

Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband.
"Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!

The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman.
Before Marriage and After Marriage.

My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.

Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.

Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...

A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."

Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.

A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"

Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: "MISSING YOU"...

A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."

The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison"

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:

They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......

Difference Between Complete & Finish...

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!

Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message:

My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?


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Puzzle of life

Only 5% of Stanford University graduates figured it out!
Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word?
1. The word has seven letters
2. Preceded God
3. Greater than God
4. More Evil than the devil
5. All poor people have it
6. Wealthy people need it
7. If you eat it, you will die
Did you figure it out?
Think hard before looking at the answers
Did you get it yet?
Give up?
-









Brace yourself for the answer
The Answer is:
NOTHING!
NOTHING has 7 letters.
NOTHING preceded God.
NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil.
Poor people have NOTHING.
Wealthy people need NOTHING.
If you eat NOTHING,
you will die

 


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Microsoft's (Bill Gates) decided to invest further in Punjab

Microsoft's Bill Gates decided to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta Singh .


To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.

8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours.
Regards,

Last one Mr. Bill Gates

PS: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?


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